Choy Love Club: Dinner Diaries #5
Honoring lost souls with food and three comfort dishes to cook this week
My sister sent me a photo from home the other day. It was a photo of my dad’s grave, an altar set up with food and incense for Ching Ming Festival. Also known as Qingming or Tomb Sweeping Day, Ching Ming occurs on the fifteenth day after the Spring equinox. This year, Ching Ming fell on 5 April, but it is not uncommon for families to perform the ritual in the weeks following. In Australia, it is Autumn, so there isn't the direct seasonal correlation to Spring and feeling of cleaning or renewal.
This year, as in other years, my mother has prepared her homemade crispy skin pork, along with tofu, char siu bao, and fruit as offerings to honor my father. There is wine and tea which we pour onto the ground after offering prayers. The area is tidied up. We will light incense too. My sister noted that we have been honoring our father this way for 33 years. It is a sobering reality.
Everyone grieves in different ways. For me, it is the yearning that hits hardest. The what could have been, the things he never got to experience, the things I didn’t get to experience. He would have made a great grandfather. My children never knew him as gung gung. He would have loved seeing more of the world, capturing photos and videos everywhere he went. He would have loved to attend a World Cup soccer tournament. He would have loved to be alive.
Ching Ming is a time of deep reflection and I am feeling this way this weekend. As I grow older, I am grateful for Chinese customs that ground me, that anchor me to my culture. Caring for our family extends to the afterlife, remembering is a sign of enduring respect and reverence for their sacrifices and their toil that have enabled us to live as we do today.
Food plays a huge part in honoring our deceased loved ones. Just as cooking for loved ones is an expression of our adoration in life, food as an offering in death creates continuity between the living and our ancestors. For me, Tenderheart is my offering to my dad. After several decades, I allowed myself to remember, to feel the pain, to embrace the loss, and to celebrate his life in the only way I know how - to cook. And the joy I have found in this book is overwhelming.
Tenderheart ends with an essay about Ching Ming. I hope you get to read it soon. Mostly, I am just deeply grateful for this community here on Substack where I can share small stories and thoughts like this. I’ll be talking more about this in this week’s chat. I’d love for you to share your stories, if you’re comfortable.
A gentle reminder for everyone who has pre-ordered Tenderheart or who plans to, claim your 3 free mini-chapters featuring corn, green beans and winter veg here. You will need your receipt or online purchase number as proof of purchase but it is eligible for purchases at ALL STORES.
After writing this unexpectedly reflective introduction, I thought I’d share three weeknight recipes that are all about comfort eating. To me, comfort food are dishes that remind me of a time or place that felt special. Food memories have always been a balm for my soul.